How honest are you with others? With yourself?
“The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one’s self.”
-- Phillip James Bailey
Relationships are such a challenge, aren’t they? We need all the help we can get
to build deep and meaningful bonds with others. And of course, to connect well
with others, we must first know ourselves.
Eve Bernshaw (my mentor!) has identified a hierarchy of values for building
functional relationships:
intimacy
love
respect
trust
truth
This hierarchy is rooted in speaking our truth. Truth creates trust, with
trust we earn respect, and with respect we earn love. We can experience intimacy
only when we risk telling the truth. Fear of intimacy is fear of the truth.
When our words and actions are not aligned with our own truth, we are, in
effect, at war with our bodies. For our own health as well as the health of our
relationships, we certainly don’t want that!
Perhaps our greatest challenge lies in getting to know our own truth, so we can
fully own it, and speak it.
Eve says, “To have a functional relationship, you have to be willing to risk
losing it every day, by telling your truth. If you don’t feel free to tell your
truth, start asking yourself why you think it’s so important to stay, and what
else you are willing to lose besides your self-esteem. ….
“For starters, you can ask your mate to tell his or her truth, and be willing to
accept it at face value, with no judgment. Now you both get to finally know if
you each want a relationship based on what's real for each of you.”
Powerful guidance here.
If you’re having issues with someone, it may help to ask yourself if you’re
being completely honest with them.
And you may have to back up a bit, as I did recently, to explore what IS my
truth in this situation?
~ Patrice
“Just as surely as distress must follow self-deceit, healing must follow
self-honesty.”
- Vernon Howard
